Codependence comes in many variations. Basically, it is doing for others what they can and need to do for themselves. It may make the person I am helping" (enabling) feel good for the moment, and it may make me feel important, but it keeps both of us over dependent on each other. It's not helping either one of us in the long run. Another aspect is rescuing people from their problems. This, too, keeps them over dependent on us, and as long as we're covering for them, why do they need to get well, resolve their problems and recover? They don't. As Solomon indicated, if we keep rescuing someone from their problems, we'll have to keep doing it. For every alcoholic (or other addict), who is already over dependent on his alcohol, there are four codependent enablers supporting him and his addiction. As long as they keep doing this, he never has to get better. If he continually refuses to face his problem and get into a recovery program and resolve it, there comes a time when those who are enabling him need to say enough is enough! They need to exercise tough love, get out of the way, and let him crash! This is the most loving thing they can do after they have tried every other avenue without success. The bottom line of codependency is that need is mistaken for love. The codependent needs others to need him in order to make him feel good and to feel loved. What we do may look like love and it may look very Christian, but it's neither. The codependent is doing what he is doing for himself. Always! His motive is awry. Besides, when we allow people to stay over dependent on us, they never learn to become self-reliant, mature, or truly dependent on God.

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