Whatâ€™s a Soft Answer?
I admire the person who can use humor, thoughtfulness, or a self-deprecating comment to defuse the tension of an angry moment. Maybe thatâ€™s why Iâ€™ve become so intrigued with the proverb that says, Ã„ soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up angerâ€ Proverbs 15:1. Iâ€™m convinced that there is more here than a reminder not to yell at one another.
The Neighborhood of this proverb
The Proverbs 14:35 reminds us that anger isnâ€™t always wrong. Solomon provided needed balance when he said, â€œThe kingâ€™s favor is toward a wise servant, but his wrath is against him who causes shame.â€ At the best, angry emotions show that we care enough to be upset when someone or something we value is in danger. This is like the anger of the king (14:35) who becomes emotional when one of his servants acts without regard for the needs of others. Wisdom, however, keeps this emotion on a short leash. Solomonâ€™s â€œrule of the soft answerâ€ helps us avoid the danger of unnecessary anger.
The Danger Behind The Anger
Anger is like a guard dog. It can help us protect ourselves, our property, or someone we care about. But without training, fencing, or a short leash, he could bite a friend as quickly as he will attack a thief.
The Motive Behind This Proverbs
So what restraint does wisdom give us? Is Proverbs 15:1 just encouraging us to lower our voices to avoid waking the sleeping dog? No, the wisdom described here isnâ€™t just about volume. What makes a response gentle is our motive, not our volume. A soft answer is motivated by love. A voice raised in love is less threatening than a thought whispered in contempt. A loud yes Iâ€™m perfect. Iâ€™m sorry. Forgive me. But I happen to care about you!â€ is much more calming than a softly spoken. Youâ€™re nothing but a worthless version of your father or mother.â€ Proverbs 15:1 isnâ€™t about loud responses. Itâ€™s warning us about harsh responses that, even when whispered, awaken anger because theyâ€™re spoken as a threat. â€œSoftâ€ words, though, tend to defuse anger, regardless of their volume, because theyâ€™re an offer of safety.
The Limits Of This Proverbs
Itâ€™s Important to add that the calming effect of a soft answer is a general rule that has exceptions. A â€œsoft answerâ€ does not always quiet anger. Jesus was crucified for speaking the ultimate soft answer. As the King of kings He had every right and reason to come in anger. The streets of His kingdom were full of servants who had acted shamefully. Yet this King put everyone off balance by surprising people with kindness. He comforted people whose lives were a mess, unnerving those who were resting in their own self-righteousness. He infuriated the religious and moral leaders of His people by earning a reputation as â€˜a friend of sinners.â€™
The Connections Of This Proverb
Proverbs 14:26, a close neighbor of Proverbs 15:1 points us to the security and a safety that will help us avoid unhealthy anger in ourselves. There we read, â€œIn the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, and His children will have a place of refuge.â€ Another neighbor Proverbs 15:3 reminds us that â€œthe eyes of the Lord are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good.â€ When considered in the shadow of our God, Proverbs 15:1 is not an end in itself. It is not a simple moral principle. Instead it leads us to the source of love, security, and spiritual strength we all need. After helping us to think about what it means to answer in a soft rather than a harsh way, this proverb points us to our God. Our â€œsoft answersâ€ are prompted by His offer of security, the example and forgiveness of His Son, and the enabling presence of His Spirit.
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